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A new Year

2018

In January of 2018- The US DOJ unsealed its warrant for Michael’s arrest. I had no idea this was happening until the media came knocking. I was caught off guard but still tried to explain the story.

The media, of course, had lots of questions, some I could not answer but the most important I could. I was asked do I have a message for my daughter? YES! YES, I DO!

Again, I am starting a new year of not knowing exactly where she was. I had made so much progress, or so I had thought, but only to be disappointed time after time, again and again.

Again, I have a general idea of a region but no address, no city, no contact. Against me, the game of control and deception continues. Again, again, and again, hope, hope, and HOPE!

Its a clear cycle now.

SWEET 16!

All of Michael’s stalling, delay and hiding was his most successful move to date. Another Birthday passed, Emma turned 16. This is a very magically number in this game. It is at this age Emma would no longer be covered under the Hague treaty age rules. Most countries a child is a child until 18, this is still true but under this treaty, it times out at 16. I had started my first Hague case in Turkey at age 14, transferred it to the Netherlands at 15 but still with all of the chaos and confusion of them not being found she aged out (according to the Netherlands).

My Birthday Message –

“Dear Babycakes! I did not expect to be posting again this year another birthday message from afar! But here we are, still apart and not able to enjoy what should be a wonderful day together. Since the amount of time that has passed is so great and I did not know your current likes or hobbies, picking the theme for your cake was challenging. So I decided to make something that would send you a message. The heart represents the pain and separation that we are both experiencing on such a deep level. You on one side celebrating this milestone birthday (sweet 16), whereas I am on the other side waiting patiently! Gathering whatever tools necessary to mend our hearts. I know this drama will eventually come to an end and there will be a time for everyone to heal. I will not stop until this happens. Each day that passes takes me one day closer to seeing you again. My birthday promise to you is that things will be ok in the end. I know right now they seem so extreme and due to the choices of others, it has added more and more complications. But with love, positive thinking and motivation we can turn the complications around and put our hearts back together. I hope wherever you are that you have an amazing sweet 16 and I look forward to having a second celebration with you soon! Happy Birthday!
Love always, Mommy”

While waiting on the Netherlands and US to locate Michael and arrange a court hearing. In the meantime, I continued to push the US Government for help.

In May of 2018, I traveled to Washington DC with one of my best friends to met a group of other parents who were going through the same thing, International Parental Kidnapping.

It was at this trip and meeting Senator Mitch McConnell that I was able to regather my lost hope of the situation and get some fire back in my core to make the next moves.

Suport continued to pour in !

On top of Michael’s staling and hiding, lots of confusion continued to bounce around inside of the Netherlands justice system, again more delays. After months had passed, I was told he was in fact in the Netherlands and I finally received my first hearing date of August 29th, 2018.

This was ONE year after I filed my Hague case in the Netherlands.

Reminiscent of my experience in Turkey, the amount of time passed from filing to hearing continued to be devastating to everyone involved.

Finding balance, strength

I myself had to go through another Birthday, without contact with Emma. I stayed positive by going to do one of our favorite things we loved to do together.

RIDE ROLLER COASTERS!!

Court time! AGAIN!

One step forward, Four steps back!

Leaving yet again to another country for a court date, this time not only to gain access to Emma but to try to get her help. It was very clear that the amount of time passed and the amount of running and hiding was creating more trauma. I was also learning more about other extreme situations and details that any Mother should never have to hear that her daughter has been subjected to.

.

On arrival to the Netherlands, I had bittersweet feelings. The Netherlands was always a place I loved and respected as well as a place where I had spent time with Emma. I was feeling good and confident that if I got in front of the judges and they saw what was going on, it would end in NO time! They would swoop Emma up in a protective court order and help her. In Turkey, the judge was extremely furious and ready to rule right away, so surely the same would happen in the Netherlands. But MORE SO, my case was to be heard in the actual city where the Hague treaty, that protects children from this exact situation, was signed. How could anything go wrong? It was so cut and dried it had to go smoothly.

Or so I thought!

I would randomly run across things in the city to give me hope, I took them as positive signs. all was going to be ok and I would soon be able to see her. To help her!

More Games – Of Course, a motion to postpone was entered from his side. The court denied, we continued forward. I was just sure in my heart they already saw what needed to be done.

The day before court,

ADDED EMOTION – As I was preparing mentally for the hearing, full of hope for a positive result, a separate horror was slipping in. I had been receiving news back home that my mother was not doing well. She had progressively started to decline in health and on this day it looked very grim. They had to rush her to the emergency room for treatment. Here I am on the other side of the world and can’t get to her. I had to have hope she could make it through because I had to stay and fight. I got a message to her that I was waiting to maybe see Emma the next day, this made her happy. She wanted me to tell Emma she loved her very much.

She had hope!

All of the motivation I had built up to stand in front of the judges had now turned to worry but more so urgency. Another of my main goals in this fight, was to not only reunite mother and daughter but also GRANDmother and granddaughter. My mothers health was slipping fast!

Urgently, time needed to be on our side.

On The day of court, Emma was scheduled to see the judges alone first thing in the morning. Later in the day, the actual case was to be heard, this one would include Michael and I. Unlike Turkey, I did not have any court-ordered visiting time before. I had to debate if I should show up early in the hopes to get to lay eyes on her. Remember, I have not seen her for 3 years at this point. I had to weigh the pros and cons of how it would affect both of us psychologically. I knew for any type of reunion with meaning would have to be lead with a special therapist that knows how to deal with parental alienation.

Is this Turkey all over again? Would anyone show up? Ever?

Surprise! Michael did show up for the afternoon session.

I was told that Emma did not want to show up in the morning due to anxiety.

I was so in shock that he actually, for the FIRST time in 3 years and in 3 countries, was present when being ordered to do so by a judge!

The hearing was intense! I had to sit very close to him and again I had not seen him for the same amount of time as Emma at this point, 3 years! I will reserve my personal opinion for what I observed but everything only confirmed the psychological research I had done on Personality Disorders, Parental Alienation/Pathological Parenting.

HOPE This is my main drug of life, it’s what keeps me going in the midst of the most negative of situations. I try to analyze everyone and every situation, searching to find the positive.

I went into this hearing with that same drug, hope. First, Michael’s attorney put in a motion for a change of venue due to their address not being the Hague but in Amsterdam instead. But if you remember I never knew exactly WHERE he was living or if in fact, he was still in the Netherlands. Until this hearing itself, we did not know his exact address. Let’s also remember, I was given an address in Turkey during their court procedure. It was proven they were not there, only using it to throw off the chase. Why would I trust ANY address at this point?

The second thing is his attorney requested Cross Border Mediation. Now in the Netherlands mediation is a HUGE thing! They even use it for parental kidnapping cases. If you look at Europe and how open and easy it is to hop countries, Cross Border is similar to a situation of crossing states in the US, except there you are changing countries. It seems the way they use this mediation process has proven most successful for them. They catch the leaving partner fast and negotiate a settlement with haste to solve the situation.

Of course, our case was EXTREME and did not just involve a recent kidnapping from a neighboring country. But in fact a case so extreme that the father had a Federal Warrant for his arrest and had been on the run since 2015 (its now 2018). Now, I am a big fan of hope but actually lumping our case into their success rate seemed a bit ridiculous. I was not confident that any chance of an agreement would be able to be reached.

But it was my decision in the end.

Of the 3 panel judges, the main judge who did most of the talking explained to me that IF I accepted cross-boarder mediation they would be able to assign Emma a guardian ad litem right away and get social services involved. BUT if I declined mediation and they ruled today, either for me or against me, the appeals process could take months and would waste more time. I thought I understood this as a chance to get Emma the help she needed immediately! I would be required to put the ruling on hold for that day, agree to mediation but in turn, I would be able to get Social Services involved as well as a guardian for Emma.

My gut Instinct ran with the hope side! It was most important to get Emma in front of professionals that could help her.

Winning or losing was not important but help was!

I agreed with my gut!

I left the court half confused as to what just happened but also I had hope and was excited for the possibility of getting Emma the help she needs. I felt this was the most important thing at this point! Not dragging her back to the US after so much trauma, but more so get her help. I didn’t care at this point if I had to move to the Netherlands myself. Of course, I longed so much to see her but more so I wanted it to be under the proper guidance and support. At this point, I had not seen her in 3 years, so it would be a very emotional and anxiety-filled meeting.

The court adjourned at the end of the day saying it would rule in 2 weeks regarding the jurisdiction change to Amsterdam but in the meantime, we could make an appointment with Social Services for a visit and set up the schedule for the guardian. We would then wait on a date for cross border mediation.

More WAITING, more DELAY!

Here I am in another country, again, waiting. I still have not seen or talked to Emma but at least I knew she was close because her father actually showed up. I was more excited about actually having professionals help her through something this intense.

Again, like Turkey

I toured the country, taking in the food and culture, but everywhere I went I always looked for her on the streets. Always wondering if we were in close proximity, what if I ran into her, would I even recognize her, so much time has passed. Would I run up to her, or watch her from afar, being afraid to traumatize her more. After doing so much research on the psychology behind our story, I knew how the children have to adapt to the situation and the intensity they live in day to day to survive. As a protective parent, it would be such a hard decision, but I continued to look at every corner and every tram and bus with hope.

No matter where I traveled in the country I saw reminders of exactly why I was there. I continued to see her name everywhere, just not her face.

Again, like in Turkey, I made amazing friends, lifelong ones in fact. I got to visit with old friends as well as had friends from the US visit me. My leisure time passed slowly but also pleasantly.

Although everything that was case related was becoming a disaster quickly.